How about that

Where did the change come from in our lifes. Everybody want to be apart of something, but sometimes we happen to throw it away. In several cases we move, or feel the need to have something more.. but as we look back on the things that could have been it seems to be a little past depressing. our one time friends have found new. and now we are in the back of there minds. sometimes i wish that i would not have traded school so often. for the fact of having such great friends. but i always seem to find myself in predicaments. that are life changing. who ever knew such small details could change a persons life forever. i miss all the times when life was more simpler and he only thing that people we were worried about is if we could go to a friends or how late we were allowed to stay out in one night..

i remember coming home for a weekend, and i went with a bunch of friends.. one of the greatest times ever... we were out kinda late for normal. it was weird.. a bunch of 17 year old running around till 1 in the morning.. not that late.. but the trill of getting to stay out later than 11 was splendid.

riding around for no reason. just to be with friends. one of the greatest things that we have. i miss friends. not having all my friends as close as they were before is often sadening.

Marvel Madness

I'm undelighted to say that the people of this universe believe that there should be a Spiderman musical. Yes it might happen. i think that the Wonderful Marvel people have gone to far. 1 Spiderman, fantastic 4 is enough for me. I was very disappointed when they did the Hulk, thinking that it would turn out great.. it didnt.. sorry. not that im not a fan. the comics are great.. they just should have left it all at that.

musical wise though.. i am in love with hairspray. it was fantastic. no doubt about it.

also Christmas is coming up. and im not in the mood to decorate. anything. no cookies.. or house or tree.. i really do not even want a tree.. but do to my stubborn boyfriend and mom i am going out to the tree farm and getting a tree.. however my mom insist on supervision. because of the tree that i had choosen last year. it was indeed the Charley brown of christmas trees..

well puppets that is what i have for you today.

Movie Sequels

I have to say that i'm Disappointed With Shrek The Thrid. The first two were great. and a big dud for the last..

people have gone overboard the land before time movies.. what is there now 11 of those. The first one wasnt even great.. why keep going.

Childs Play first couple great after not so intelligent.

basically there should really be no sequels with out my permission

Nanna Say What

This yes is my nanna on my sisters boyfriends body. he however was not happy that day. but this cracks me up. up till 4 in the morn working on several of these. i found this is one of my favs.

Great Way

Not as good as the killer ferret. but still a great commercial for History.
Kudos to you Orbits people

Drugs, booze and Sex

living in a small town it seems that there are several party supplies that are available. Why People us them is beyond me. I'm not going to lie i have done my share of partying. However the consequences the parting brings if haven't learn early and dangerous. Suicide, Overdose, disease just some of the things that Drugs, booze and sex can bring you. At the time it all seems very nice to have. Drugs that calm you and take you away from the worlds madness. Makes you feel Great as nothing can take you down. Then there are the Drugs that make your world cave and for a second you wonder why you have begun to do such an action. Its the addiction that gets you, makes you feel like you would never be you if you stop. But thats the drugs. There is the alcohol, that if drank enough of makes you a different person. It can make you spontaneous. When your at your party climax it can make the party out to be so much more than it is. Then of course there is sex. which without we would not even be thought of. Yet Today sex is not taken as literal as it use to be. Most of society does not wait for the perfect someone that would enter there life. We just give it away because that is what the rest of our pears are doing. Its all so great that the addiction will never let you stop. What the people do not seem to recognize are the side effects to all that we do.. Drugs take you to a whole new level of power. It can make you see so badly that you would want to end it all there. To many people die of gun shots threw the face, or scratching themselves so much that someone would not be able to stop bleeding. Evan to want to see yourself fly so to jump off of something to test it out. death is not the best way out of a drug. Also to overdose some just do not know when to quit. To some it will never be enough. Booze can cause death to the body and to the soul. to drink yourself into a state in which no one exists. The Family, friends in ones life will be thrown away. Sex its something that feels so right but is so wrong if not used correctly. Sex is its own addiction. There are std's that come along if no protection is used or children at a young age. i have had by best friend take away from me do to drugs. I have pushed those away from me as a solution to that problem with the booze. sex well if you know me you know all about that.

threw the rubble and stone

Life can be a little deceiving at times. When you find yourself at a proud spot it always seems as there is a trouble around the corner. I have come to the conclusion that Life itself will never be easy and for me that is ok. I have learned that there are ways to be happy with life even though it is throwing you curve balls. Tis true i have had my share of depression. Really though who hasn't. I am glad to say that threw the rubble and stone that there is a light. Never are you in the darkness forever, though it seems that way. My happinesses are here.. i have a lot.. probably more that i deserve. i have my own place that come with responsibility. a guy who i can talk to no matter what and never thinks in crazy. a wonderful family that will always help when when i am in over my head. and great friends (even though there far away) they will never let me give up on what i want in life.

believe

I believe in her no matter what she thinks. I know that right now she is trying to figure out who she is but the way she is figuring herself out makes no since. I try to voice to you but you don't want to hear.When you ask me for my help you take the advise you want and throw the rest out the door. Listen and understand me, i am here for your help. I listen, speak, and let you make your decisions. People don't tell you no because they no you will do it anyways. I love you and cant let you fall down that same hole that was once neck deep in. Trust me there is a better way out. You might think that you have seen a lot but you have not. I have seen death to two friends, out mother cry, our sister in hell, i have seen the evil side of the world. The one that they have shielded you from all these years. The shield that is 5 feet taller than what you are, because of younger days when you were hurt, All these things you don't see is that when you hurt i hurt. when your sad i am sad. If your in trouble i feel as if i have done trouble. What i am here to tell you is that i have faith in you no matter what. You know that you can do anything you want. You just don't set your mind to it. So my advise to you little girl is buckle up and hold on tight. If you don't get your shit together its going to be a really really bad ride. Remember what i said, what you feel i feel. So just remember that you are taking me down with you, i am going to be with you till the end.

in gerneral

one song describes just about how i feel right now


One Less Reason - Favorite Color

Central

So i have been back since Friday.. but hey it is all good.. I had a great birthday.. It Rocked I went to Ohio to see my friend Brad.. He is just awesome. I'm going to Alaska in June so that should be pretty hardcore. Life itself is going really good at the moment.. Things are going in a line a little at a time.. I start school in August I'm Really pumped about that. I miss school a lot. I was cleaning my room the other day. More like move the dresser and under everything cleaning. Well I ran into a photo album and it just made me laugh so hard. There were pictures in there from when i went to Central Catholic High School. The ones from my freshman year just had me on the floor. I remembered there was a foot ball game. lol.. And I looked behind me out into the parking lot and there was a guy with a snake seriously a snake.. it was huge.. i remember Wil being there. As i think Bree or Nora and I were standing there i decided to yell I like big snakes or something along the lines of that.. However it went it came out really sexual. ha ha ha. I miss Wil, Nora, Justin, Taber, Croft.. I was wondering how my life would have been if i had stayed at Central. Not that i regret leaving, i have made so many friends. I have been threw some mighty struggles. All of which have made me stronger in life. So it is all good. I think that i want to take a trip to St. Louis to see Nora.. that would just be freaking great. I love that girl. but yes. everything is great.. life is going good.. sorry that i haven't been writing anything lately.. but now there will be more.. I'm back and ready for action.. lol

I've realized

So basically by talking to alot of people lately.. and i have realized.. that i do whatever it is i need to do to please people... specially my mom and sisters.. i say what i know they want to here.. and i will do what it is that they want me to do. its a little crazy. i know that people walk all over me.. yet i still do nothing i dont speak up to them.. i just let it go.. and become depressed.. its like thursday is my birthday.. and my friend asked me what i wanted.. and i chose to go to ohio to see another friend. my mom asks the normal mom questions.. which is fine i understand that.. but i know my mom and i can tell by the tone in her voice.. that it is like oh i would rather you not go.. or she says the if your friend cant take you.. than i will do it.. which is code for i would rather take you.. i just want to do something.. by myself with my friend.. i understand that mom cares.. i do.. then now that my dad didnt get payed on time it is going to cause a huge conflict.. to where im going to get bitched at for it.. but its what i do .. i let people take there shit out on me.. and i just blow it off..

Pa Pa

So Today started out really well.. until my mom called.. and warned me that my pa pa was in the hospital.. pa pa is my grandpa.. last night im guessing on his way in from bingo.. he fell on the front pourch. now he has three cracked ribs.. and there is somthing wrong with his legg.. so ya now im a little sad.. i know that i will be better as soon as i get up there to see him.. i think that it scares me.. so much becuase.. when elderly people fall or do something that hurts there bodys.. it seems like the pass quicker.. im really happy that he didnt break a hip.. becuase thena i would be frantic..

listen..

When It Is You Find Her,
Never Let Her Go.
She Is The One In A Million,
Some Just Don't See It So.

She Has Been Threw Hell,
So Hold On To Her Tight.
Eventually She Will Let You In,
Just Dont Give Up The Fight.

Let Her Learn To Love You,
Than Someday You Will See.
How Much You Have Changed Her life,
See How Happy She Will Be.

Runs

It seems that there are times in life when I feel like it gets to hard. I recently found that I am not the only one who runs when something is wrong. Last night there was an issue with a friend. She has been living in a world of hell. She has lived at home and taken everything that they put her threw, Until last night. She ran. Ran away from it all, Now people are looking for an alternative place for her. Deciding what it is that i wanted to do for the rest of my life has been hard. Now i see what it is that i want to do. I want to help people. No matter if there issue is tiny. It makes me feel so good to know that someone else in life is doing so good. Ive already helped more than my share of people in life who have been pushed, and been there furthest in the whole. People who just feel like giving up Because they don't know what it is that they can do. I don't want high school kids to have to go threw some of they things that i and some other people have gone threw. Its not fair and very unneeded.

Tired

Of having to watch over my sister every time she gets drunk. Tried of listening to her call me mom because im trying to help. Tired of feeling depressed because i let someone out of my life. I only let them out due to the fact that i thought someone else could not handle that i was with the. Also Tired of letting people walk all over me. I know they do so why dont i stop it. Sick of people judgeing people by the cloths that they wear or by the way they look. Tired of not having someone to talk to because i listen to everyone else and dont want to bother people with my issues. Sick and tired of having my heart hurt so many times because i have faith in people. Tired of makeing friends than something goes wrong and i never talk to them again. Tired of my sets of parents arguing. Tired of having to back up my sister to make sure she stays out of trouble. Tired of depending on alcohol to make me feel a little bit happier than what i am. Tired of getting no where in life no matter how hard i try to make it right. Tired of being depressed. Tired of fake friends. Tired of not having all the greater things in life. Basically im Tired of being tired. Im sick of being sick. Ok i've had a bad night i thought it would have gone alot smoother than what it did. I know i have alot of good in my life. i am just avoiding seeing it right now..

Explosion

So i have had a really boring. but fun day.. explosion comes from trying to figure out how to spruce this thinger up.. Its starting to frustrate me.. but im sure that ill get it figured out sooner or later. So i'm really excited that i have decided to go back to school. My birthday is coming up soon. It is less that two weeks away. However i am starting to think that this one will be pretty crappy. There has just been too much going on. Though nothing can be as bad as turning 16.


Here is a cap of what is going on. First the last month has been really crappy having to see my mom and step dad fighting. That is ending considering that they are getting divorced. I read a blog that my step sister left on myspace, it talked about how she manipulates people. There was a part that really got to me when she posted that she does this too her dad. It said i may be one of the lead causes why they are not together but who cares because i got my way. Yup i could beat the crap out of her now. I think what gets me the most is that we have to leave alyssa there with all that bullshit.. I know it has to be crappy considering all her and jim does is fight. ya that has been the last month.

i never realized how much i miss my central friends until i talked to wil today. makes me want to have a milk shake.

yup, too much in my head. thats part of it.

exciting news. i am going moonlight bowling tonight. so it should be great.

Yesh

This feeling of a loss, attacks my mind and heart. I feel as if im lost in a circle. Seems impossible but it is very so simple. There is so much that i need to get done at the moment and seems like i am getting no where fast. It kinda irratates me. Never knowing where life will takes it turns. My life has done a big old U-Turn in the middle of the interstate, and i just happen to be in the wrong lane.

Dream

Standing in the front room next to the smoke stained door. I could smell the rain as it falls from the dark midnight sky. Hearing the annoying beeping of a two way in need for a conversation, so the man that i call my dad beeps back. Recognizing the voice and knowing it belonged to and elder of mine i was shocked as to why he would be calling so late. As I stand there looking at my dad in confusion of the words that came out of the phone. That and i could see the look of fear as i wanted to leave the house. My elder had told my father to be aware that the untouchables had been seen. I had put the words aside knowing that he lived in a diffrent state that nothing would reach me here in this tiny town. When i had walked out the door i noticed that something had changed. The street that was once infront of my house had turned into the woods. A little afraid but nothing was going to stop me from getting to my destination. I walk further and further into the woods and it had seemed like i was getting no where. Suddenly it feels as though something was fallowing me, so i pick up the pase in hopes to get away. It doesnt help becuase suddenly in stuck in my place. It wasnt that i couldnt move, it was that i didnt want to. I was curious to know what was behind me. As I look behind me I feel that something had touched my sholder. The only part i could see of what was touching me was this things hand. The long fingures to when the palm was the back of my sholder the fingures themselfs reached to the front. The vains that were running threw the hand were nothing i had ever seen for unlike our purplish blue vains. It seemed that the blood was a brite orange. After the complete shock of something touching me i relized that i had blacked out and was now laying at home back in bed. Yet when i looked at my sholder there was a spot that looked like a birthmark of the hand that i was touched by. That is when it hit me that i had be touched by the untouchables.