I've realized

So basically by talking to alot of people lately.. and i have realized.. that i do whatever it is i need to do to please people... specially my mom and sisters.. i say what i know they want to here.. and i will do what it is that they want me to do. its a little crazy. i know that people walk all over me.. yet i still do nothing i dont speak up to them.. i just let it go.. and become depressed.. its like thursday is my birthday.. and my friend asked me what i wanted.. and i chose to go to ohio to see another friend. my mom asks the normal mom questions.. which is fine i understand that.. but i know my mom and i can tell by the tone in her voice.. that it is like oh i would rather you not go.. or she says the if your friend cant take you.. than i will do it.. which is code for i would rather take you.. i just want to do something.. by myself with my friend.. i understand that mom cares.. i do.. then now that my dad didnt get payed on time it is going to cause a huge conflict.. to where im going to get bitched at for it.. but its what i do .. i let people take there shit out on me.. and i just blow it off..

Pa Pa

So Today started out really well.. until my mom called.. and warned me that my pa pa was in the hospital.. pa pa is my grandpa.. last night im guessing on his way in from bingo.. he fell on the front pourch. now he has three cracked ribs.. and there is somthing wrong with his legg.. so ya now im a little sad.. i know that i will be better as soon as i get up there to see him.. i think that it scares me.. so much becuase.. when elderly people fall or do something that hurts there bodys.. it seems like the pass quicker.. im really happy that he didnt break a hip.. becuase thena i would be frantic..

listen..

When It Is You Find Her,
Never Let Her Go.
She Is The One In A Million,
Some Just Don't See It So.

She Has Been Threw Hell,
So Hold On To Her Tight.
Eventually She Will Let You In,
Just Dont Give Up The Fight.

Let Her Learn To Love You,
Than Someday You Will See.
How Much You Have Changed Her life,
See How Happy She Will Be.

Runs

It seems that there are times in life when I feel like it gets to hard. I recently found that I am not the only one who runs when something is wrong. Last night there was an issue with a friend. She has been living in a world of hell. She has lived at home and taken everything that they put her threw, Until last night. She ran. Ran away from it all, Now people are looking for an alternative place for her. Deciding what it is that i wanted to do for the rest of my life has been hard. Now i see what it is that i want to do. I want to help people. No matter if there issue is tiny. It makes me feel so good to know that someone else in life is doing so good. Ive already helped more than my share of people in life who have been pushed, and been there furthest in the whole. People who just feel like giving up Because they don't know what it is that they can do. I don't want high school kids to have to go threw some of they things that i and some other people have gone threw. Its not fair and very unneeded.

Tired

Of having to watch over my sister every time she gets drunk. Tried of listening to her call me mom because im trying to help. Tired of feeling depressed because i let someone out of my life. I only let them out due to the fact that i thought someone else could not handle that i was with the. Also Tired of letting people walk all over me. I know they do so why dont i stop it. Sick of people judgeing people by the cloths that they wear or by the way they look. Tired of not having someone to talk to because i listen to everyone else and dont want to bother people with my issues. Sick and tired of having my heart hurt so many times because i have faith in people. Tired of makeing friends than something goes wrong and i never talk to them again. Tired of my sets of parents arguing. Tired of having to back up my sister to make sure she stays out of trouble. Tired of depending on alcohol to make me feel a little bit happier than what i am. Tired of getting no where in life no matter how hard i try to make it right. Tired of being depressed. Tired of fake friends. Tired of not having all the greater things in life. Basically im Tired of being tired. Im sick of being sick. Ok i've had a bad night i thought it would have gone alot smoother than what it did. I know i have alot of good in my life. i am just avoiding seeing it right now..

Explosion

So i have had a really boring. but fun day.. explosion comes from trying to figure out how to spruce this thinger up.. Its starting to frustrate me.. but im sure that ill get it figured out sooner or later. So i'm really excited that i have decided to go back to school. My birthday is coming up soon. It is less that two weeks away. However i am starting to think that this one will be pretty crappy. There has just been too much going on. Though nothing can be as bad as turning 16.


Here is a cap of what is going on. First the last month has been really crappy having to see my mom and step dad fighting. That is ending considering that they are getting divorced. I read a blog that my step sister left on myspace, it talked about how she manipulates people. There was a part that really got to me when she posted that she does this too her dad. It said i may be one of the lead causes why they are not together but who cares because i got my way. Yup i could beat the crap out of her now. I think what gets me the most is that we have to leave alyssa there with all that bullshit.. I know it has to be crappy considering all her and jim does is fight. ya that has been the last month.

i never realized how much i miss my central friends until i talked to wil today. makes me want to have a milk shake.

yup, too much in my head. thats part of it.

exciting news. i am going moonlight bowling tonight. so it should be great.

Yesh

This feeling of a loss, attacks my mind and heart. I feel as if im lost in a circle. Seems impossible but it is very so simple. There is so much that i need to get done at the moment and seems like i am getting no where fast. It kinda irratates me. Never knowing where life will takes it turns. My life has done a big old U-Turn in the middle of the interstate, and i just happen to be in the wrong lane.